I'm trying to write a Theological Reflection Paper today, clearly its not going very well! Its been a while. These past few months have been busy for me, not a lot of free time. But here we are now. I hate small talk and introductions so I'm just going to jump in.
I've been irritated with God lately because sometimes it seems like there will never be healing and there will never be peace and there will never be rest. And that sometimes the cost required for these seems and feels way too much. And that sometimes we gain some healing and some freedom only to discover even more pain and more bondage that appears to go on for infinity. So we've (God and I) been discussing this lately, mostly its been me complaining about how I feel like I'm never going to be whole. So He told me to read Exodus.
So here is my recap of Exodus:
God's people are in bondage and under Egyptian slavery. What do they do? They make bricks all day, not fun. We're told that God hears Israel's complaining: "God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and Jacob. God saw the people of Israel and God knew." So God has a chat with Moses, and eventually convinces Him to talk with Pharaoh in order that the Israelites might be delivered. Moses goes, Pharaoh says "no" and promptly increases the work load. Now, the Israelites not only have to make bricks, they also have to go gather the straw. Worst! Moses goes back to God and says "what are you doing? "you have not delivered your people at all". Anyone ever felt this way? So God promises yet again to deliver His children. When Moses goes to tell the people "they did not listen to Moses, because of their broken spirit and harsh slavery." These people are done with what appear to be empty promises. But even when the people aren't listening God is still working, faithfully working. Enter terrible plagues. At the end of the plagues the people are finally delivered. It says that Israel was enslaved to Egypt for 430 years, whether literal or figurative...it's clearly a long time.
So they enter the wilderness via the Red Sea...pretty epic and unforgettable if you ask me. But they start to complain: why did you bring us out of Egypt? Are you trying to kill us? We are hungry and thirsty?` So God gives them mana each day..."only take what you need for the day" is what they are told. What do they do? Save it. Obviously. The next morning they have stinky mana with maggots on it. yum! And then after some gold turns into a cow in a fire, and some workaholics who just wanting to get there, arrive at the promise land...its been 4o years. And again whether this is figurative or literal its a fair amount of time.
The point:
Please don't hear me wrong, I'm a full believer in healing, deliverance and freedom. But I've been wondering lately if we put the emphasis on the feelings of freedom and deliverance rather than on living with God. And that maybe we need to learn how to live in our brokenness. That maybe we should be more concerned with how to live when we feel like we have to make the bricks AND get the straw, or how to wait patiently trusting that He knows when we should walk and when we should rest. And that rather than avoiding, bypassing,and ignoring our brokenness and our incompleteness we need to learn to live here. Not in such a way that we become complacent, but in such a way that we are honest about our situation, openly acknowledging our brokenness, our hurt and learning how to live with God in the wilderness. After all it was 430 years of slavery and then 40 years of wilderness life.
