breaks...

It feels odd to be showing up here.  I've been writing so much on my year prayer challenge that it almost feels redundant or excessive to be over here. But I'm here.  And these words they're not fully formed, and I'm not really sure of my own conclusions.

But I'm here to write. I'm here to work it out.

Recently I've become an avid player of "four pictures one word".  I'm not sure if any of you play it?  But its like this game was made for my brain.  I track it.  I get it. 
Not too long ago, the word was "break" and the four pictures were seemingly, completely unconnected.  And it got my engine of a brain started thinking about the word "break" and the seemingly paradoxical meanings of it. 

On the one hand its a word of destruction.  Something beautiful and fragile becoming irreparably destroyed.  If you need a break from something it generally implies you've become frustrated or irritated to the point where you need space from the task or person. Breaks can be temporary of long term.

On the other hand its a word of relief.  We have spring break, reading break, Christmas break, summer break, all refreshing moments of freedom and relief from our routine.  At work you get a break, a small portion of time to do with as you please, put your feet up, have a snack.  And if we didn't have breaks in cars...we'll let's just say it wouldn't be the best.

 Where's the common ground? And what does it all mean?

And I can't help but think about kitkat bars..."break me off a piece of that..."
And I realize that when you share your chocolate it costs you something, something of value, something you want, something you enjoy, but it offers a gift, a refreshment to another, relief from their hunger. Sacrifice for the one and abundance for the other.  And maybe the meanings meet in the middle of a kitkat bar, or maybe they don't.  But what I do know is that breaks are important and necessary, whether chosen or not. They help to us refocus, to regain our energy, to brainstorm more creatively, to sleep so that we can get back in the game with new wisdom, energy, purpose and strength.

I'll turn heartbreak valley into Acres of Hope

So today, today was suppose to just be a nice day shopping in the sun with a good friend.  And then, then we make that stop for coffee...something wonderful, like a Mocha with lots of whip cream. And there on the TV screen is breaking news of bombs at the Boston marathon.  And my heart begins to break, and the tears begin to pool.  And I start to wonder where the good is on this earth.  The sunny sky gets overtaken by a rainstorm, echoing my insides. And it feels so fitting that the water would fall from the sky because tears need to be shed for the tragedy of today.

And its June 1985 and my mama, she writes about how there were bombs on planes and hostages in Lebanon.  And I think about how this world really hasn't changed that much.  And that wonderful mother of mine, she wrote her prayer for me that day: "I pray that you will still find and see the beauty in your world".  Those words echoed loud in my mind. And so I bought cupcakes.  The wonderful fancy kind, from a cupcake shop, because there is still beauty on this earth and there is still hope.  Because God, he can just turn heartbreak valley into acres of hope. 

oh this wonderful time after Easter

Oh this first week after Easter.  Lent went by more smoothly than most.  And then came this wonderful time after Easter.  Maybe I had too high of expectations for what to expect in the new resurrected life? Or maybe this is how it is every year I just haven`t paid as much attention to the seasons of my soul.  But this transition.  This transition from cocoon to butterfly...not so easy.  There are moments of extreme beauty and freedom mingled right in there with moments of feeling more inadequate than I`ve felt in years.

I find myself reverting back to thought patterns from before lent.  But wasn`t lent suppose to be 40 days of making a new habit?  40 days of making more room for Christ so that he can live louder in my life?

And yet, things did change. And probably a lot more than I`m aware. 

I`m looking at my trees this morning and I notice how much change has taken place in such a short amount of time. Even the grass seems to be getting out of control. And I reflect on God`s wonder growing recipe to make things grow fast: lots of rain, lots of sun, some more rain, some more sun, then more rain...and I`m assuming there will be more sun.  And I think about the parallels for my soul, and I am more at ease with His process in me. And I remind myself if he is this faithful with trees, how faithful will he be with my soul?

So I eat more, and sleep more; like a new baby on a steep learning curve.  And I rest in the new growth and I adjust my life, and allow myself the to ride out the swells and calm of this life because his steadfast love is written everywhere.