I don't remember the last time I woke up to that sound, that smell. You know, the one that makes everything feel fresh, and clean, as if the whole world is being made new. You know, rain. I don't remember the last time it rained.
This week my soul rained too. I cried my eyes out. Not just a few tears, but the full deal. The kind of crying that makes your eyes puffy...even the next day! It's been a long time since I've had a cry like that. I'm thinking maybe the beginning of April.
I don't like crying, it feels uncomfortable and messy. People look at you with pity, with concern speculating at the cause. Its just plain awkward. But God has been teaching me about my attitude/spirit of rejection these past seven months, trying to call me out of it and into a attitude/spirit of receiving....it pretty much kills me. My pride has to die, my rights have to die, my will has to die, my "just" bitterness and hurt has to die. But I'm starting to see when I fight less and receive more, I gain freedom, life, peace, and stillness.
I'm starting to realize that I've been fighting the rainy season of my life. Because sometimes, actually probably most of the time, life is seasonal, only we suck at realizing it and embracing it.
And so this morning I feel encouraged by the rain, in a quie,t still kind of way....I can feel the growth steeping in my soul, the change that is coming, the new life that is about to be birthed, the new ways of seeing and living, just like the trees that somehow appear greener with more buds, even after one rain.
Lord, help me to receive...
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