"Now Girls..."

I've needed to write for weeks, but the words just haven't been there.  I've stat down and started so many times, but it wasn't time.  I'm taking a two day rest, a little sabbatical from my normal life.  I'm filling the days with extra sleep, truth, love.  I'm empty and undone, ready to be filled, ready to receive rest. 

Miss Margret passed away last week at the ripe old age of 96.  I've wanted to write for her too. I read all these wonderful things people were writing for her and about her, but again every time I sat time to write the words just felt so inadequate.  How do you communicate a loss like that? How do you celebrate that she has made the big move to be with Jesus and in the same breath groan with the earth the loss of someone so faithful and steadfast? And I reflect on the wise words she often told us..."now girls...".  I think of how she could grow anything and everything in her garden.  I think of one of her favorite verses: "and we know that God can do abundantly more than we can ever ask, hope or imagine.." and she would wink her eyes and grab our arms and say "isn't that wonderful".  And it is wonderful. And its wonderful to see the fruit of that verse in her life. I am filled with hope. 

And I sit here and reflect on my own life. And I allow the fresh undoneness to be real. The rawness to live. And I sit on my knees and I unclench my fists and I open my palms and I receive.  I receive my manna...my "what is it?".  I reflect on the irony of the truth of that statement for my life.  And I sit here with my hands open receiving my "i don't know what this is?"for the day.  And I offer up my thanks. All 863 of them.  And I can hardly believe that I'm nearing the 900 mark, which is only 100 away from 1000. And my heart is filled with excitement and more gratitude. 

And as I offer up my thanks for my manna, my "what is it?", I hear Christ respond: "My grace is sufficient for you, for this".  And I recall a previous conversation with Christ. About how often I ask for miracles when I really need to be asking for grace.  And I'm not saying don't ask for miracles, because we need to, because God can do abundantly more than we can ever ask, hope or imagine.  But sometimes we are so busy asking for miracles that we lose sight of the miracle of grace. And often that's what we need, more grace.

And so I stay in bed a little longer, I buy coffee instead of make it.  I receive the grace of my friends. And I am filled with thanks and wonder of how blessed I am. Of how friends would give up their evening to pray with me, to listen to me process. Of cards from friends far away that speak truth into my present situations.  Of friends who stay a little longer just to listen and care, who make dinner, whatever I want. For a mother who is coming over from the coast just to be with me for a day. And for a God who blessed me with a peaceful sleep. And I feel spoiled beyond my imaginings. I feel cared upon, swaddled up in love.

And I know that His words are finally taking root.  I know that my brain patterns are finally starting to change. And I can feel the healing starting. Finally.